A day of indulgence

A day of indulgence

"New day, new beginnings!", Azad said, stretching himself after a good night's sleep. "Oye asshole, wakeup!". His best friend was lying next to him, half asleep. "Will you take a look at this gorgeous view". Hordes of tanks and artillery were entering the border city of Lahore. The Indians were advancing rapidly. The war looked grim. Jai woke up to the sound of a distant explosion. "Azad, we can't live here for long, the sepoy are probably looking out for you. Remember, do not get captured alive". The fearless son of a General, Azad was the youngest of the two sons. Still in early teens, Azad wanted to join the Pakistani Army. His elder brother was KIA in the Kargil war. Jai could see vengeance in his eyes.

They packed their bags and left their broken shelter that's been their home since war broke out a week ago. Now out of food and water, they started scrounging, visiting house by house, eating whatever leftover food they could find. Life in the city was in shambles for the elite and the poor alike. The bourgeois was the most affected. With limited ration, increasing demand and no supply, people started fighting for every last morsel. "War is hell!", Jai said as they searched an empty house. "War is not hell, it's tragic. So many helpless innocent people caught in the crossfire. Hell would not be filled up with such people.", Azad said. "War shows the true colours of humanity, it showcases it at its worse. You think dictatorship is bad because of a bad apple, imagine democracy where all the parties are bought and paid for and now the real rulers are the military industrial complex. At least the dictatorship can end with the death of the ruler, but democracy goes on! People forget what shouldn't be forgotten and not what should be". Jai could see his eyes glisten with hope and revenge.

A noise at the door froze both of them, Azad took out his brother's pistol that he'd been carrying since the war broke out. With only a single bullet left, he knew he had to make it count. A quiet whisper between the two was enough to shake up the house. They saw a silhouette of a girl running toward the door. They dashed toward her, caught her by the neck, put the gun to her temple and awaited. She closed her eyes and started chanting Bhagavad Gita. Surprised, Jai asked Azad to put the gun down. "Where are you from...uhh", Azad said, "Saba", she said, "Saba, where are you from?", he repeated. She was quiet. "Where are your parents?", "Dead", she replied. Now feeling sorry, Jai asked her to face him. He looked her straight in the eyes, "Are you a spy?". "No, of course not.". "We can't trust her", Azad said. Jai wasn't convinced.

Azad found a rope in the house and tied her hands. "Cannot risk it", he said. "We can't leave her alone. She won't survive for long! Let's go!". Saba was hesitant to travel with them, but not seeing a safer route, she complied. Now with one more mouth to feed, they started scrounging other houses. Saba would be a look out while the other two searched for food. Travelling on open roads during the day was unsafe, so they travelled by night. Unsure how long they would be able to survive, Azad decided to go home. His house was in the midst of the war. With the Indian army surrounding the city, it was perilous to visit it. "I must go home", Azad said. Jai, an orphan, couldn't deny his request. Saba followed.

A gun went off nearby and all three ducked. A patrol was around the corner. Dashing to the back of the house, they found themselves in a small store room. The room was filled with grains. "Jackpot!", Azad said. "We shouldn't leave this house. There's enough food for us to last months''. "Does that mean you aren't going home?", Jai said. "I was really looking forward to meeting Uncle and Aunty." With a dejected look, Azad took a handful of rice and dal and went to the kitchen, then waited for the them to cook. "I am famished", Saba said. "So am I!", both said in unison. The cooker whistled twice before they could realise their mistake. Azad dashed to turn off the gas but it was too late. The patrol stopped right outside the door, flashlights on, "Police!", someone shouted.

Now panicking, the trio started running toward the back of the house hoping to find an escape route. The kitchen door led to the back passage which led to a small alley. The alley was filled with the rotten stench of death. 2 dead bodies belonging to the owners of the house were strewn over the pavement. Saba felt sick seeing the dead bodies. Go ahead, Jai said. I'll catch up. Azad moved ahead while Jai stayed with Saba. Seeing blood in her vomit, Jai wanted her to rest. They went to next door neighbours but the door was locked. Jai entered through the kitchen window. The house was dilapidated but comfortable considering the situation. He immediately went to the bathroom to find any medicines he could get hands on. Finding nothing, he went to the kitchen to see if there was any food left. Again disappointed, he went to Saba who was still recovering from her last vomit.

Azad knocked on the door. Jai looked out the window to find Azad carrying a big bag. It was full of goodies. Chocolates, chips, crackers, chewing gum, grains, fruits, soft drinks and vegetables. "How are you feeling?", Azad asked Saba. "Not bad", Saba said, trying not to sound like a burden over them. He handed her some chocolates. "You'll feel better", he said. Like a little kid, she devoured the chocolates as both Azad and Jai watched over her.

"Hello, is there anyone home? I am hurt. Could you please let me in.", a man shouted from outside the house. He could see silhouettes inside the house. He waited patiently. Jai and Azad, panicking, decided not to open the door. "I know you are in there, please open the door. I am bleeding.", Jai went near the window and looked outside. Sure enough, a blood stricken man was standing on the porch. "Keep your gun outside!", Jai looked at Azad and nodded. "Are you alone?", Azad shouted. "Yes!", came a quick reply. Azad opened the door. The man was drenched in blood. "Is it yours?", Jai asked. "What does it look like?", he grimaced. They started looking for a first aid kit in the house while Saba kept an eye on the man. Not finding any, Jai took a bedsheet and tore it apart, found some antiseptic, drenched the cloth in water and went to the living room. "This might sting a little!", he said while looking for any wounds on the man. "Have some chocolate. You'll feel better", Saba offered.

Thanking the 3 of them, the man started looking for any clothes in the house. Jai and Azad weren't sure if they could trust the man. He was a Pakistani army captain. He took a close look at Azad and said, "Aren't you General Fawadh's son?". "You must have mistaken me for someone else Sir '', Azad said. Wanting not to reveal his identity for the sake of his safety, he conjured a bunch of lies. The man ignored him. "Your father's dead", the man said with a hint of doubt. Knowing full well that if he reacted, his identity would be revealed, Azad, devastated, closed his eyes and stood still. Unable to contain his grief, he asked the captain if it's safe to go home. "You can come with me", the captain said. Anxiously, he looked at the other two. Jai realised that Azad had made up his mind to go with the captain.

Not wanting to leave his friend alone, the 3 of them decided to go together. The journey home was treacherous, blood strewn bodies piled up everywhere they looked. Azad took out his pistol and asked the captain if he had any bullets left. The captain took out a box of bullets from his coat pocket. Ecstatic, Azad filled the gun with it and shot one in the air. "Are you out of your mind?", the captain shouted. A siren went off nearby and all 4 of them ducked into a foxhole. A patrol jeep started roaming the area. Not wanting to be captured, the captain decided to take a shot at tackling the patrol. There were 2 people onboard the jeep. "How's your aim?", the captain asked Azad. "No idea!", Azad said. "That's just great", the captain sighed. I'll take the driver, you take the other one, the captain whispered as the jeep passed near them.

Two shots rang like one and two bodies dropped down from the jeep. It came to a halt a few metres ahead of them. With a look of triumph, Azad decided to check up on the bodies. "They are dead for sure.", he said as a matter of factly to the captain. Continuing their journey, they reached home in the midst of night. Jai went in first. His nostrils were filled with a rotten stench of death. He found a dead body in the house. "Don't come in yet", Jai shouted. His mother was lying in a pool of blood. Unable to continue his excitement of reaching home, Azad went ahead. Looking at the body of his mother, he dropped down to his knees, tears rolling down his cheeks. Saba put her hand on his head like a sister consoling her brother. He took her hand and wiped his tears with it. Saba didn't object.

Now dejected, Azad could see revenge in his own eyes and shouted at the top of his lungs. Saba put her hand immediately on his mouth to muffle the sound. Hearing the commotion, a few army men came inside and arrested all of them. Azad's pistol was confiscated. "You look like General Fawadh's son", asked one of the sepoys. You have a bounty on your head. Dead or alive, 50 thousand rupees. The captain was now feeling regret bringing them with him. He was released immediately. Not wanting to leave the kids alone, he decided to follow them to the barracks. The boys, remembering their oath, decided to make a run for it. They were immediately shot.

Saba, heartbroken, also made a run for it. She made it to the outskirts of the city where the war had already ended. She now lives with her grandmother. The captain was promoted to Major. He lived the rest of his life in service to his country.

A day in the life of

"Dad, when are you going to quit smoking?", asked the child. "Soon sweetheart", he said. The man in mid 30s closed his laptop after a busy day's work and looked at the child, his eyes glistening with endearment. "Sometimes your old man needs to relax", he said. He'd always been upfront with Rudhvi. "Maybe if you'll see enough trauma in your life, you'll understand why people smoke and drink", he said apprehensively thinking back at his old life. He took the child on his lap and pondered how her life is going to change soon.

The phone rang and his train of thought derailed. "Hello!", a heavy voice said, "I want to let you know that your child is going to be kidnapped today. They know where you live. From one father to another, stay safe". The phone cut. The man's anxious heart dropped. Wondering if it was one of his old acquaintances, he hugged the child tightly imagining what he'd do if he lost her. His brain was now racing to think who the man was. His voice sounded familiar but he couldn't quite recognise it.

He called his ex-wife and asked if he could bring Rudhvi over, his voice sounded tense. He put on his coat and left with the child. The night was cold. The child looked at her dad wondering why he was tense. "You look worried daddy", said the child. "Everything's fine sweetheart, you'll be staying with your mommy tonight". She looked happy. They had divorced a year ago and he had won the child's custody. Her drunk and erratic behaviour had finally caught up on him.

"Hope your stay at rehab was comfortable", the man said. Arriving at his ex-wife's house, he put the child to bed. "It was anything but comfortable. But I found Dave there so all in all, thanks to you for sending me there". Dave was her boyfriend, the head of the city's AA chapter. He was a stand up guy and somehow Ashay liked him. "Where is Dave?", he asked. "He is upstairs sleeping", she said.

He wanted to leave at that point but he heard the child cry and went upstairs to check up on her. But she wasn't in her bed. He called her name but no reply. Dave's room door was ajar. He looked inside but Dave wasn't in his bed either. His heart sank. He had a habit of going into a downward spiral when something negative happened. Panicking, He went downstairs but couldn't find his ex-wife either. The whole house was empty. He pondered if the caller was Dave and they had plotted her kidnapping. His thoughts racing, he ran out. Their car was in the garage. They couldn't have gone far, he thought. He ran on the road in blistering cold without his coat wishing he hadn't left his house. There was no sign of them.

He called up his friend and asked if he could come over to her place. "It's urgent!", he said as a matter of factly. His voice quivering, still coming to his senses, he drove his car and ran over every red light. His head had begun to throb. His migraines had started 3 years ago around the time Rudhvi was born. At the beginning his head would fill up with static noises and then gradually, he started to hear a faint voice intermittently. "You have schizophrenia", his shrink had said.

He reached her home around midnight. It was a full moon. He rang the bell. A young lady in her early 20s opened the door. She hugged him, kissed his cheeks and asked him to come inside. "Long time no see", she said smiling. "I missed you". His mind still hadn't come to senses and he ignored her. "Do you have aspirin?", he asked. "Top shelf in the bathroom!", she said. He pushed her aside and went to the bathroom, looked for aspirin and swallowed a few hoping it'd take the edge off his throbbing head. "What's wrong?", she sensed his anguish, now looking worried.

"Rudhvi's been kidnapped!", he said, his thoughts still racing to find his next option at hand. She looked dazed. He explained to her, quivering. "I think we need to call the police", he said as the situation started to dawn on him. He took a pack of smokes out of his pocket and lit one. He offered her one but she declined. Cigarettes would usually calm him down but this time they didn't. He asked her to get her coat but she stopped him. She asked him to come upstairs. "This is hardly the time for that", he said. She ignored him. She guided him to a room that he'd always found locked. "I normally would not let anyone in this room", she said. "I haven't been completely honest with you. I am a psychic". "What the hell are you talking about, we are pressed for time. We need to leave", he said, now starting to lose patience. He was dumbfounded wondering how this was any helpful at all. He'd known her since childhood. They were next door neighbours and practically spent all the time together. She had moved out after her father was KIA in Iraq war. They had lost all contact but years later she was able to find him somehow.

The room was dimly lit with a faint smell of sandalwood. It was filled with candles and an oddly shaped drawing in the middle of the room which he realised was a pentagram. "There is something you should know about Rudhvi. She is a telepath. I first noticed this when you complained of hearing static noises in your head. I was able to trace the voices to her. That's when I realised she wasn't a normal child. You don't have schizophrenia, Ashay". Dazed, He just looked at her as if she was blabbering nonsense. "Trust me, I know what I am doing", she said. "Tonight's a full moon. I will be able to channel my energy through you to find her."

She guided him to the pentagram. She looked at the clock apprehensively. They both stood close together, her breathing shallow and heart fluttering. As soon as he stood there, He was transported to his old house. He was standing on the porch waving goodbye to his closest friend. Tanvi crying through the car's window, she muttered something and closed her eyes ready to bid goodbye to the love of her life. He felt a surge of energy pass through him and was transported to another place. This time a dark moonlit alley. He realised it to be the fort on the outskirts of the city. On the edge of the alley stood a dark hooded figure and a woman whispering to each other. He tried to get closer without them noticing him. Their voices were faint and undecipherable. The moonlight shone on her face and he realised it to be Tanvi. Unable to make sense of the situation, he called out to Tanvi. The hooded figure looked back and he felt a sharp sting in his head. Writhing in pain, he tried to come back to his senses but felt petrified and paralysed. The hooded figure started approaching him. No sooner did he reach near him, he felt a sharp pull and was transported back to the room. Panting, he collapsed onto the floor. "Did you find her?", she asked, now worried.

Out of breath, he tried to get up and suddenly remembered that the figure was talking to Tanvi. Still panting, He immediately stood up. "Who was that man?", he confronted her. "The hooded figure, why were you talking to him? Does he have Rudhvi? Tell me now!", he said, panicking. She stood silent realising she's been compromised. It started to dawn on him that his friend may be involved in this. He immediately rushed to leave the house but she stopped him. "Listen", she said. "Please listen! I am not the enemy. I am trying to help you". She looked at the clock again. Apprehensive, she closed the door behind him just as he was trying to get out of the room. No sooner did he open the door, the bell rang. Her face lit up.

Concerned, he looked at her. The bell rang again. She stood transfixed. He went downstairs and opened the door. There was no one there. He went to the driveway and saw a hooded figure walking down the road. He shouted but got no response. He went inside and called Tanvi forgetting about his dilemma. "Who was there?", she asked. "No one!", he said. She seemed visibly upset. He rushed to his car. "Get in!", he said.

They started to drive, frantically trying to find that hooded figure. They had lost him. Realising again, he confronted her about the hooded figure. She denied ever meeting him and stuck to her story. Lies!, he thought. He decided to visit the old fort but she advised against it saying it's too late and wild animals roam around the fort at night.

Driving down the deserted road just after midnight, he realised he can't wait for the sunrise. His daughter's life was in danger. He started driving in the direction of the fort. An hour passed by when Tanvi realised a car was following them dead in the middle of the night. She didn't mention this to him but kept a tab on the car.

They reached the fort late at night, still a few hours to sunrise. The other car had stopped a block down the road. He still hadn't realised there was a car following him. Tanvi looked at the parked car and nodded.

They started running toward the alleyway that he saw in the trance. No sooner did he reach the end, a rotten stench wafted through the air and pierced his nostril. There's a dead body nearby, he said to Tanvi. He was now imagining the worst. The alley opened onto the ground. He could see someone sitting at the end of the ground and a figure standing next to it. He started walking toward the figure. The moonlight shone on their faces but it wasn't enough to illuminate them.

He edged closer and saw Dave's face all bloodied up. His hands were tied behind his back and he had a noose hung around his neck. Next to him, He finally found Rudhvi, sitting quietly on a chair. She didn't look at him approaching. He immediately rushed to her, got down on her knees to her eye level and tried talking to her. She wasn't reacting at all like she was in a trance. Tanvi was standing right behind him. He looked at Tanvi with hopeful eyes hoping she could help her. Tanvi didn't budge.

"She's hypnotised", Tanvi said finally. "Let me see if I can help her". She got down and put her hand on Rudhvi's head and closed her eyes. She felt an eerie sense of impending doom crawl over her. After a few moments, Rudhvi woke up. Her eyes though blurry, saw her father and immediately rushed to hug him. "Daddy, daddy, it's mommy. She tried to take me but Dave saved me, daddy!"

Before he could make sense of her words, she exclaimed, "Daddy look, it's mommy!". The hooded figure was walking toward them. A sharp sting ran through his head and he fell down on the ground. "Be careful, Ashay. She's a witch", said Tanvi. Yes, she's a bitch, he thought. Neither he nor Tanvi could move. The figure moved closer, pulled a knife out of her satchel and stabbed Tanvi. No!, Ashay screamed but felt helpless.

"Your job here is done, dear. I will keep my promise once I am done here", the figure said to Tanvi. She writhed in pain and fell on the ground, blood spewing out of her stomach. The figure inched closer to Ashay, knife still in her hand, cleaned the blood on his coat. "Are you going to kill me too?", he asked nonchalantly. "Nonsense!", she said. "You are the key to my powers. I need you alive", for the time being, she thought. The moonlight now shone on her face, she looked tired. "Why did you kidnap Rudhvi?", he asked. "To get to you, of course!", she said. "You could've killed me at your home", he said. "Of course I could've! But you see the spell only works under moonlight. Besides, our precious little daughter needs to awaken her powers. Tonight, she'll become a witch". Rudhvi was petrified, unable to say anything. Her thoughts echoing in Ashay's mind. Not now!, he thought as his migraine started again. The figure inched closer to Rudhvi, picked her up and put her on the pentagram. "Don't you dare touch my daughter", he screamed.

The figure put her hand on Rudhvi's head and started reciting the spell. The figure screamed as pain rushed through her body. Her mind went blank as they started to rise up above the ground. Jets of lightning engulfed them as the figure finally let go of Rudhvi and they both fell on the ground. Rudhvi's eyes turned blood red as she squirmed on the ground. Ashay rushed to her help but couldn't reach her as the lightning engulfed them both.

As the effects of the spell subsided, there was silence throughout the fort. Soon, the figure rose, her eyes blood red, she pulled Rudhvi up and looked into her eyes. The spell has worked! she thought. Rudhvi, still in a trance, could only stand with support. As she let go of Rudhvi, Ashay jumped to catch her. "What have you done to my daughter?", he said. She ignored him. Rudhvi woke up, crying, and hugged her father. It's ok, sweetheart, he assured her as he pulled her up and started falling back. Feeling weak, the figure now mad with power, inched closer to Dave, took out her knife, slit his throat and drank his blood. And now for dessert, she said, starting to walk toward Ashay, took out the knife and put it right on his neck. "With your blood and Rudhvi's power, I can get my revenge", she said.

Suddenly, a shot rang through the fort. Blood gushed through the figure and she fell down. A silhouette was visible at the entrance of the ground. Ashay couldn't quite make out who it was but he had just saved their life. Making sure the figure was dead, he checked her pulse. There was none. Relieved, he picked Rudhvi from the ground and started walking toward Tanvi. The man was nowhere to be seen.

He checked her pulse. It was faint. She's alive, he thought. He picked her up, looked at Dave, thanked him and started walking toward the entrance. He got into the car and drove to Tanvi's house. No time to waste, he thought as he called the police. The paramedics had arrived by the time they reached her house.

He drove behind the ambulance to the hospital. They were waiting by the operation theatre when a man approached him. He was wearing a face mask. He handed over a note and left. It was a QR code. He didn't get a chance to ask the man. He disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. He scanned and it showed a location. Uncertain, he decided not to visit the place. It was early morning and he needed to tend to Rudhvi.

They went home, he put her to bed. He lit a cigarette and thought pensively over the events of the night. He was grateful to the unknown man who had come to their rescue. He left a message to his manager for a day off. Tired, he went to sleep as soon as he hit the bed.

He woke up to the ring of his mobile. It was Tanvi. She'd been discharged and asked him to come pick her up. As he was getting ready, he saw the note. He grabbed his coat and decided to visit the place first. The sun was setting. Almost time to close the laptop, he thought. The location was a few minute's drive away. When he reached the place, it was deserted. Alone stood an old dilapidated house. He looked at the map, he was right at the destination. Doubtful, he approached the house and rang the bell. No answer, he rang again. The door wasn't locked so he went in. As soon as he stepped in, he felt a sharp sting in his head. His head was filled with Rudhvi's voice. "Daddy, don't go in!", she said. "The evil man lives there". Too late, the door closed behind him. It was dark in the house. He turned his mobile's torch. He had just made his way to the living room when the telephone at the house rang. He went to receive the call but there was no response. He found a letter near the phone. It read, "If you want to see your daughter again, call your home and say I want to let you know that your child is going to be kidnapped today. They know where you live. From one father to another, stay safe".

out here nowhere

your presence i feel out here nowhere

the sound of your heartbeat

your caress on my face

out here nowhere the world stops for you

the wink in your eyes

the parting of your lips when you talk

the wind flows wafting your scent out here nowhere

heaven for my nose

the touch of your lips on mine

your love is everywhere out here nowhere

fluttering of my heart

dopamine for my brain

- ashay(28th Oct 2022, 2130 hours)

 

haal

likhna chahta hoon par likh nahi pata

tere saath na hone ka gham chupa nahi pata

har lamha tut jata hu tere yaad me

har yaad me ye lafz jata nahi pata

yu toh tu kabhi thi na meri

tu hoti toh pyar chupa nahi pata

har waqt karta hu tera intezaar

is waqt me teri yaad bhula nahi pata

tu hoti na bewafa mere jindagi me

toh mere dil ka ye haal bata nahi pata

- ashay 17th sept 2345 hours

ek khawish

ek khwaish thi k mile mujhe tum jaisa ek sapna

neend se jaage jab paya tumko saamne apna

din kate raat kati tum thi jo mere aage

mohabbat ki aisi leher uthi jo mere piche bhaage

chaar din ki zindagi jo saath bitayi tere

vada kiya tha umr bhar ka jab saath liye the phere

par mukaddar me aage nahi hai tere saath chalna

hum saath rahe par sath nahi tere bin ab hai marna

ashk roya rooh royi jab phoota dard ka jharna

waise dil dooba aab me jaise suraj ka dhalna

tere raah pe chalna tha ant tak ab hogaye paraye

na gunjegi ye dil ki dhadkan na hi dil k saaye

- ashay(6th sept 2022, 0243)

tere jaane k baad

jo nazariya tha jindagi jeene ka

ab badal chuka hai tere jaane k baad

jo khushi ek pal puri lagti thi

ab chin chuki hai tere jaane k baad

ek muskurahat jo din sawar deti thi

ab chodh chuki hai tere jaane k baad

mohabbat-e-mukaddar ka sahara ek roz tha

ab tut chuka hai tere jaane k baad

ek aashiyana banane chale the tere saath

ab ghum chuka hai tere jaane k baad

ek dil ka janaza jo aage nikalna tha

ab marr chuka hai tere jaane k baad

- ashay (6th sept 2022, 0034)

Death

A prince or a pauper, a god or a man
Born! Every moment running to the end
No respite, no break, no pauses for breath
Come what may, its final bed is death.

  - ashay (29th may 2019, 0028 hours)

Stigma

There was once a homely house
Adorned with gold and gay
Whose luscious greens would always rouse
All minds on it that lay

A shadow has been lurking and
Awaiting for its prey
Smile and sleep has turned to sand
Slipping through their grasp away

It's all blues and grays since days
Since all the green went dry
When stigma won, in parting ways,
And the light had said goodbye!

- ashay(9th April 2019 0040 hours)

Lafzon se wakif zarur hai
Bas inhe tarashne ki der hai

Gham-e-alfaaz zarur hai
Bas zuban pe laane ki der hai

Dil me ashk zarur hai
Bas aankhon pe aane ki der hai

Shiddat-e-ishq zarur hai
Bas nafrat mitane ki der hai

Mann me aag zarur hai
Bas isse bujhane ki der hai

Dil-e-naadaan zarur hai
Bas isse sawarne ki der hai

Zehen me shaitaan zarur hai
Bas pyar karne ki der hai

Shaitaan-e-guroor zarur hai
Bas insaan banne ki der hai

Ye rah bahrupi zarur hai
Bas ispe chalne ki der hai

Maut-e-muqaddar zarur hai
Bas aaj jeene ki der hai

- ashay (0300 hours, 9th Aug 2k15)

Late night musings

good night: because when the dark falls and even your shadow leaves you, my wishes will still be by your side.

unconditional love: when you know you will always be the first to say it but regardless you keep saying it.

compassion: you are famished yet you share your food with a stranger.

motivation: a heart drunk on inspiration.

happiness: a forced effort turned habit.

mass writing spree: a heart vomiting.

writer's block: the aftermath called hangover.

emptiness: because I am not shallow.

silence: the longest moment.

60% lust, 60% love: The sole person dominating your thoughts after waking up, before falling asleep and in between.

dreamless nights: because my dream has come true.

dreams: a magical place that gets more realistic with age.

mother: who else loved you even before you were born?

childhood friends: ego meets its nemesis.

philosophy: gossiping for the 2%.

home: shelter with a heart.

words: telepathy.

thoughts: godlike.

irony: when god sneezes and whispers 'bless myself!'

mind: tamed, nirvana; untamed, a beautiful tragedy.

tragedy: living death.

common sense: what?

sense of humor: something you are told to have when you get offended by someone's idea of joke.

social network: less social, the more the network.

temptation: a steeper gradient.

opinion: one too many.

fact: a proven opinion.

truth: an omnipresent fact.

God: 1 ÷ 0 * truth.

Satan: because every yin has a yang.

nature: law.

punishment: going against nature.

miracle: existence.

magic: miracle.

poet: a scarred human.

poem: a permanent scar.

writer: Experience. Persistence. Imagination. Curiosity. EPIC.

sleep: a temporary solace.

death: an unknown constant.

life: an unknown variable.

organized religion: manmade opiate.

faith: crutch.

blind faith: blind seeing dog guiding a blind human on crutch.

trust: a hint of doubt.

anger: quick sand.

depression: there is always a reason.

schizophrenic: never alone.

suicide: too eager to meet the maker.

ego: a self-hosted no-holds-barred contest.

zenith: where humans aspire to reach.

nadir: where the living dead survive.

name: a convenience for others.

I: a transition.

Lost in translation

Meter - Tetrameter
Rhyme scheme - ABBA

Words don't stand by me anymore;
I get lost in their twisted tales,
And never talk about my fails
Though it's become a daily chore.

Though silent musings tell-a-tale,
How often do we find a soul,
With whom we connect as a whole,
Whose heart can understand this tale?

If you have found this person now,
Just let your loving heart go bare;
Second chances are often rare
And so unto Love make a vow.

To love with pure heart, old or young,
For a sacred vow holds till death,
It must be fulfilled with each breath,
So cross your heart and bite your tongue.

  - ashay(5th April, 2k14, 0315 hours)

'Wishes don't come true'

Meter : First and Third Lines - Tetrameter; Second and Fourth Lines - Trimeter
Rhyme Scheme : ABAB CCCC DEDE FGFG


I wish the time would stop right now,
And everything would just freeze,
And dark dreams would vanish right now,
So I could live in peace.

I wish a new day would not dawn,
Till this illness has gone,
It's turned me into its pawn,
I wish to be unborn.

I wish to go into exile,
A burden I've become,
'Cause right now this life seems futile,
And I am not welcome.

I wish there was a guide who'd help,
And befriend this lone heart,
And rescue me 'fore hearing my yelp,
From miles and miles apart.

-ashay(7th feb, 2k13, 1246 hours)

'A dream within a dream'

Meter : Trimeter

Rhyme Scheme : ABAB



In wonder and in awe,
A dream I had today,
A beauty that I saw,
She took my heart away.

She shone of silver glow,
An aura full of grace,
Even the moon hid low,
Behind the dark cloud's face.

I passed her by and gaped,
And fumbled on the ground,
When her hair back she scraped,
Behind her ears around.

Her eyes hath just met mine,
She lent a helping hand,
I saw a smile divine,
And strewed like grains of sand.

I wondered why she blushed,
Was there masked love involved?
My heart-beats hath just surged,
Hey wait!!!...the scene dissolved.....

A day or so passed by,
But seemed forever to me,
The judgement time was nigh,
I could not wait to see.

The brightest star in east,
Was concealed by her grace,
The beauty and the beast,
Were once more face to face.

Was the time stopped on me?
Or love at second sight?
I could not budge for glee
Had moved me with its might.

Ne'er this I felt before,
Or half the worth of it,
The lovely heaven's shore,
I sensed beneath my feet.

But then I saw a man,
Holding her gentle hand,
Helpless and feebly wan,
My heart was a broken strand.

I stood there while she left,
A silent spectator,
The dream now seemed bereft,
To the misty-eyed narrator.

Adrift back to reality,
Fading memories descend,
Whammy incredulity,
I couldn't quite apprehend.

Lasting love, I ponder,
Reflection in her eyes,
In her arms, surrender,
Sans eternal goodbyes.

-ashay(20th march, 1900 hours)

'You are my Friend, my greatest companion'

'You are my Friend, my greatest companion'

A multitude of roles you characterise,
In life's journey you always mesmerise,
Whether you are far-flung or lay near,
You keep me going through all facets of fear,
You keep me going through my happy times and bad,
Whether you yourself are gloomy or sad.
Sometimes a stubborn teacher's role you play,
You teach me how to be strong and lively and gay,
You teach me how to live, love and let go,
Then to evolve into a flower whose seeds you sow,
A flower which is tender outside and strong within,
Such is your charisma so rare to believe in,
Such is your charisma that I find hard to express in words,
For words are mere concealment of true feelings and regards,
For words only say and donot show the true meaning of life's spirit,
Rather your unspoken silence speaks mammoth of this gift.
Your actions hold me tender while i behold this spectacle unfold,
This spectacle called friendship, is worth more than all the gold,
This spectacle called friendship, is worth more than a perfect after-life,
A single friend is worth a complete garden in this life,
As I lay me down to rest, I will always cherish this gift called friend,
As I lay me down to rest, you are my true companion, you are my greatest friend.

-ashay(2nd aug, 2k12,1655)

'The selfish heart'

YES, YES he is selfish!!! honestly, dont do the crime if you cant do the time...

'The selfish heart'

He dwells in his own dell,
Oblivious and isolated,
Often whiny and wicked,
Never to come out of his shell.

He ignores everyone he meets,
Has place for none at his home,
Frankly, he's aloof and all alone,
With straight smile to all he greets.

Love isn't a part of his skill,
He thinks it's a vile crime,
For he knows he can't do the time,
Yet he falls for the age old drill.

Alas! He is shattered, wasted and sore,
Begging to self, "don't repeat it, please!"
But the selfish bastard that he is,
He is ready to die once more.

-ashay (6th Jan, 2k12, 0151 hours)

'Mistakes'

It's a common adversary that you and I share,

It teaches us more than we could possibly care,

Even the wisest of them all it does not ever spare,
It befalls like an unannounced guest, so always beware.

Like a feather on the breeze it gently sneaks by,
Like a burden it sits on your shoulders on the sly,
A fleeting moment's reluctance and it'll make you sigh,
A few more of them feathers will surely make you cry.

Be unafraid of its outcome, dont hide when you make one,
There should be neither any shame nor any concern,
Just make way for new ones, for you are sure to learn,
Be it huge, be it small, someday its importance you'll discern.

For it's one of the wisest protégé under nature's rule,
Just like its mentor, it's sometimes harsh and cruel,
But in its recurrence dwells an all-powerful jewel,
That it's never too late to learn from this old-faithful.

I applaud to thee, oh wisest of them all "Nature",
For bestowing upon mankind this unique feature,
All are wise to ask for its forgiveness in their prayer,
Yet not all wise enough to harness its untamed power.

-ashay(4th august, 2k11, 1128 hours)

'Duality of love'

This one was inspired by Tennyson's In Memoriam...

'Duality of love'

Down the valleys, up the hill,
The sound echoes of a dying will,
Away it fades, for a dying heart
Has ceased to exist, it's cold and still!

Mourning blues; A sound of cry, 
Wafts through the cold night sky;
Up above the heavenly abode
It dwells, reminisces her last goodbye.

Tis world so cruel; darkest times,
A gaping hole, sustaining life
With no heart's glee, surviving but
Tis cold warfare with a pretentious smile.

Oh! But nature, its harshest rules,
Toughest survivors sway with blues,
But warmth of care, heartily love,
tis nature's remedy, 'em you use!

For certain is, a gallant role
Of love, in nature's dark hell-hole;
To a killing curse, at times of despair,
Or to a cradle of mirth, a new born soul!

-ashay(21st,may,2k11,0145hours)

'Wish I could turn back time'

The title says it all...gloomy times don't last forever...

'Wish I could turn back time'

I wish she could lend her precious time,
For there still are many-a-words unsaid.
I wish she could lend her caring heart,
For there are still many-a-feelings unshared.
I wish she could feel the same way I feel,
For only then will the inner silence be heard.

I wish I could turn back time.

I wish she could listen to my heart's cries,
For losing her, it blames its own vice.
I wish she could see the way it bleeds,
When it steps on its own shattered bits.
I wish she could just hug me once more,
For this soul is as lonely as ever before.

I wish I could turn back time.

I wish she could trust me again,
'Cause I've often been a reason for her pain.
I wish she could see when she closes her eyes,
How often I bleed the tears of guilt.
I wish she could feel the turbulence in my mind,
When I struggle to hide from its wrath & strife.

I wish I could turn back time.

I wish, with her, I could relive those moments,
Reminiscent, tears always stream down my face.
I hope I still exist for her,
'Cause despite the pain, I an still her biggest well-wisher.
Now all that remains are memories downhearted,
'Cause I've lost something that can't ever be replaced.

I wish someone would invent a fucking time-machine so that I could turn back the damn time!
Sigh!!!

-ashay(19th may,2k11,2305 hours)

'You didn't fail'

'You didn't fail'

You have an untapped power within yourself,
You have the midas touch in your words,
You have the patience to be calm at times,
That'd shatter even the mightiest of hearts!

You have the courage to face this world alone,
But that's just a deceiver 'cause you can never be alone,
For the whole world might deceive you and leave you,
But you'd never leave the whole world on its own.

For such a Grande heart you have,
That could engulf all the pain in the world,
Yet a smile would shine on your pretty face,
A mark of a true spirit of human race.

Those lonesome yet happy few spirits,
That've been sheltered under your heart's shade,
Those lucky few, to have received love from you,
Would forever be indebted to you even beyond their death-bed!

A wistful thinker would conquer himself,
Would surmount all of his worst fears,
His nightmares would turn into damsels,
Just let your goodwill be with him forever.

For when you try to help someone,
Failure but never can triumph past through you,
For being attached to you even by the flimsiest relationship,
Is a greater hope for him than any worldly virtue.

-ashay(9th march,2k11,1311 hours)

'I miss her'

'I miss her'

Darn!!
I miss her,
I miss her like hell.

I miss her,
As much sorely as a mother misses her dead child...

As much immensely as a broken hearted frustrated one sided lover's plight...

As much unwittingly as a confined bird misses soaring the horizons...

As much helplessly as an insomniac misses his naps...

As much truthfully as every mortal who misses its juvenescence...

As much woefully as a loner misses friendship...

As much deeply as an orphan misses its parents...

As much mournfully as a country laments for its martyrs...

As much eminently as the eminence of eminem....

As much wholeheartedly as every soul who misses its school life...

As much painfully as my heart misses her heartbeats...